My clinic nurse and I recently received a lovely note from a friend of a patient we had the pleasure of following through his cancer journey. I wanted to share it here for two reasons:
1) to highlight the importance of time, for our cancer patients and for their caregivers, and
2) to show gratitude for the thanks we sometimes receive from patients or their friends and family.
I’ve changed the names in the letter to preserve anonymity.
My name is Jason and I have been a support person and more than that, a close friend for a cancer patient “Bill” who passed away at home, the morning of January the 17th. He was coherent and communicative a day and half prior to his passing and from what I observed and in discussions with family, he was as comfortable as one could be at his end-of-life moments.
Bill was very impressed and appreciative of the care he received from Doctor Spratlin and her clinic nurse and we often mused about how well the information was conveyed to us and in a caring manner, making it clear the position Bill was in. In days just prior to Bill’s passing, he asked that I thank you for the care he received and that he felt it was a personal journey well shared with wonderful supportive people at the Cancer Clinic.
Success or winning doesn’t have to translate into cancer remission or cure, it can also just be more time….. You must have some very good days and some difficult days too, but let this message convey that what you do and how you do it is very important and appreciated. Thank you!
I think of Bill often. I will always remember him. He was a good friend.
Regards,
Jason
I thank Bill’s friend Jason for the reminder that Time is the great gift of our lifetimes. As a gift, Time is the biggest box imaginable. It has the brightest, most colorful wrapping paper, shiny and sparkly bows, and an abundance of flowing ribbons draping from all Its sides. There is a card taped on the outside of the gift of Time. Our mothers will remind us that the card is part of the gift, to be read with care. The card tells us that Time is not guaranteed, that we won’t know what It will bring or take away, but that It is there for us to make what we want with It. Pulling the ribbons and ripping the paper off Time is part of life’s journey. What’s inside? How might It be enjoyed? Where will It take us? If we are lucky, we keep getting the box re-wrapped, only to open It again and again as we grow and learn and love.
Bill got a lot of time after his cancer diagnosis. He did so well for so long – over four years. He packed in hundreds of golf games with his buddies and his simulator. He had hundreds of good mornings and good nights with his wife. I think it is important to remember that it is true that time can also prolong suffering. There will be a balance that tilts one way or the other during various periods of our lives and cancer often tilts the scale toward the ugly. For Bill though, his mind teased out all the joy it could while his body fought his cancer. Bill was remarkable. He died at the age of eighty-five after unwrapping many, many gift boxes.
Thank you, Jack, for sending us this letter. Receiving thanks for the work we do means a lot, especially when we are told our patient won.
Author Notes:
The woman in the photo that accompanies this post is the great grandmother of my son and daughter on their father’s side. She died a few weeks ago at the age of one hundred and four. It was not cancer that took her life, and her mind never escaped her. Her death seemed to take forever once it was known to be imminent. I wished for her and her family that her end could have hurried along a little; instead, death took over three months to complete its mission.
I can’t begin to imagine the changes this woman saw, felt, and experienced over her century on this planet – a lot happens in one hundred years! Talk about the gift of Time!!
I was not related by blood to this woman. Instead, we had a heart connection. Even after my divorce with her grandson, we kept in touch. We saw each other a few times over the years and shared emails every now and then, particularly around Christmas, birthdays, and Mother’s Day – yes, she learned how to electronically keep in touch with her friends and family when cell phones and ipads and social media were invented well into her eighth decade of life!! This woman was AMAZING! I loved her a lot, and still do. I said goodbye to her during her last hospital stay. I knew it was the last time we would share space. I hoped just being in the same room with her one last time would impart some wisdom. She was an inspiration for a life well-lived and well-loved.
Her blood runs wild in many grandchildren and great grandchildren now. I hope they each, in their own time, come to know the bits of her that made her who she was and what part of her they carry. Her name will live on for many more years as my daughter’s middle name, a thank you for the strength and love she provided to so many for so long. I don’t know how you fill the hole that is left when someone so important dies. I think maybe you don’t. The hole doesn’t get filled. The hole will remain. But, the magic of her is that beside this hole, and all around it, will be box upon box upon box upon box, all wrapped in the most fantastic paper with the biggest of bows and the prettiest of ribbons – her gifts of Time given to all those she loved. She will live on in her family, including my kids, as her gifts of Time continue to be unwrapped and re-wrapped and unwrapped again . . . her Time becomes theirs. Who knows what will be unwrapped in the next hundred years! Thank you for existing Joan.
I am curious to know, reader, what is the best use of your Time right now? What are you unwrapping?
